The Worst 10 Kids TV Theme Songs Ever

ok.  this is not the most comprehensive list and could make for some debate – but here are my (A’s) list of the worst kids tv theme’s ever.  give them a listen – at your peril!!!

10.  denver the last dinosaur

this was a terrible show.  an anthropomorphic dinosaur who “is my friend and a whole lot more” which in this post-‘jimmy saville’ age means he probably wouldn’t get his CRB check through….

9.  captain planet

ok.  so the theme is actually the closing theme, which is why it isn’t higher up the list.  i did feel sorry for the kid who ended up with “heart” as a super-powered ring though….. imagine the scene:

Some guy:  “wow, i can control the winds!”
Some other guy:  “amazing, i can make crops of rock appear from nowhere!!”
Some lass:  “fantastic i can make water shoot out of anything”
Some other lass:  “bugger me o’reilly, i can shoot fire out of my ring”

***awkward silence***

Last guy:  “i can make turtles hump each other”

8.  64 zoo lane

cbeebies latest bedtime hour horrific hell-song is at number 8.  repetitive, uninteresting and just plain annoying.  it makes me want to go on safari and shoot everything. including the little girl.

and just out of interest – how are health and safety and the police not kicking right off at the ability for these animals who abduct children, nightly, being able to access straight into this kids room.  where are the parents?!

7.  captain america

“when captain america throws his mighty shield, all those who chose to oppose his shield must spontaneously combust at how over the top this bull crap is”

6. chorlton and the wheelies

i wheely don’t like this theme song.  it wheely annoys me.  i wheely don’t want to go to their wheely world and you can’t make me.

5.  fun house

fundamentally i loved this programme when i was growing up.  what’s not to love about twin cheerleaders with gunge and karts?!  but this theme tune was terrible.  it was a real crazy show where anything could go…… but unfortunately this was a lie.  the twins remained clothed throughout.

4.  dogtanian and the muskahounds

another programme i regularly watched and liked when i grew up, but the theme just grated.  really grated.  arrrrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!

3.  henry’s cat

this one probably isn’t well remembered and i am sorry to have brought it back into your consciousness, i really am.  it’s short and addictive.
2.  tommy zoom

as you can see – patronising theme songs telling us to save the planet annoy me.  this cbeebies codswallop is just terrible.  dog sees boy feeling down.  dog puts boy down for dropping his crisp packet.  dog and boy get transported into animated world where they have to beat some alien and a cat for environmental purposes.  dad in real world throws television out of upper story window to make it stop.  here endeth the lesson.

1.  me too

if there was ever the need for a case to bring back public flogging as a punishment it is this abomination to human kind.  it’s every parent’s 6:15am nightmare – you’ve got past tikkabilla (which just missed the top 10) and now you have to endure this over the top, overly smiley heap of steaming cheesy cow faecal matter.

so there you have it

i apologise profusely for putting you through that.  there are some shows that do get an honourable mention of awfulness like postman pat special delivery service, balamory and tikkabilla.

what are the other terrible themes that i have forgotten that you’d like to remind me of?

big hugs,

A x

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